I am a failure
by Nijhia
Summary: The young man realizes that he has failed and is destined to become what he tried so hard to defeat.


(During the event in Shadow of the Colossus, as he beat the final Colossus)

* * *

The head of the tower shook and frantically jerked back and forth threatening to throw him off and into the abyss and hit the ground. However, Lin would not give up and he knew this was the moment of hope and the second of desperation! Using his sword with the last nit of his tired grip, the man with now black hair with dirty and grotesque clothing went to pull back his sword. Holding it tightly for a moment to pull back the power and intensify it the young boy yelled out in violence and deteriorating hope.

_" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! "_ With the rage of a thousand men the sword was purged into the head on the mighty towering being. The black hot blood squirted over his body and face but it wasn't enough he had to have just one more time. " I'm coming Mono! Just WAIT for me " Hopelessness and utter sadness had now turned into determination and violent cries for accomplishment to slay the colossus. Endless nights without food and without the comfort of his beloved would now end, with a final powerful pierce in the head the ooze of black blood finally got to the beast. A gianatic hand came to his forehead and it tried to throw him off but there was too much blood to be had.

_"Mono ...I..did..It"_ As Lin leaned over he felt a foreboding pain coming to his chest, the familiar black lines of the forceful essence. _"...N...No...not again..."_ It was too quick the sudden black strands hit through him and it felt as if he was falling. Lin was free falling off the top of the sixteen tower that stood in his way. As he hit the ground his body ached and felt utterly and completely broken, he was tired and he was finished. When he woke up he'd be in the shrine and the spell would be complete or completed.

Then it was early morning he fought in the middle of the night and now he was feeling his body in the air and turned over. Suddenly he was there and he heard a familiar voice it was the voice of Emon. The young warrior was now in the deepest problem... Why? Why now? Why when he was so**...close?**

_" I have to get to her...Mono. I am so close...so...close.."_ It didn't matter, no matter how much I tried all the pain and the suffering and despair. I starved and broke my body for what? What did I break it for? I broke it for her...so I could be with her. I can still see her beside Emon, I can see her angelic face...-- I **have** to get to her.

" I can get up...my legs can move..." I slew the creatures in the temple in just enough time, was the price I had to pay? Look at my body...look at my head...look at me. Could she love me? Even if she saw me? I look like a loathsome ; my hair is total darkness not a hint of brown still remains. Even as I walk my legs feel feeble...Emon is right..look at the sight I am reduced too.

WHY did they shoot at me..? The pain...god I cannot stand...I cannot move. I just realized that this is nothing! I've walked farther with a wound bigger..."_ I can **still **make it "_ I thought.

_"It is better to put him out of his misery then to exist, cursed as he is" _How could he say that...I am so close.. _"...AHH "_ I cried out in utter unremorseful pain, the black ness that I tried so hard to slay was now spewing out...black smoke...I remember this. No! I can't **fail**! I HAVE to get to her..MONO...I'm here...please...let me see your eyes._ "...I can still...walk...I can make it.."_ I thought was I wrong? If I could cry I would cry now...my light..my love..the smile I had..hasn't opened her eyes yet. As I walked with my dulling pale skin, dirt smudged all over me with blood...

You come to the realization that you are done for but maybe..just...maybe you could possibly touch her one more time. You could just feel that softness that is her face and remember the smile it once possessed. I wish she was here to tell me I didn't have to hold I...that I didn't have to keep** going**.

Those eyes of hers are still closed...Dormin lied to me. Would Emon even let me close enough so that her wretched and disgusting looking hero could gaze upon that face only once more? No, I could not be that privileged...She did not see me...why would she anyways? I'm not even myself..I'm** cursed**..I deserved this.

I walked on forbidden lands, stole and ancient sword...and used a forbidden spell. You want to believe you didn't do anything wrong...but you did. You messed up... This sword needs to come out of my chest, the pain is so intense I don't know how much longer I could go..with it in my chest.

...You finally pull out the sword that was made to slay the beasts and now it's slaying you. You throw it away thinking to yourself _"...What's happening...what am I!"_ You are a beast...a **demon..** an **unloved **creature of God. Dormin lied to you and you are bleeding out that black blood, how could you deserve to touch something so pure...so soft?

You didn't even make it. You failed. Dormin lied and you were just some pawn..with that your legs fall underneath you and you can't walk. Your body lies there unwanted, cursed, loveless and lifeless but you did try and you tried your best ...

_"...I tried...I did try Mono..."_ She would even want to see me ...as this disgusting cursed beast with a black heart. I feel useless..and unwanted..and betrayed by a promise..that I went into blindly.

You know, you think that the whole thing is over until your body is transformed into that demon that promised you. You try and try to break out...all you can do is stay there in the middle of the battle..worn and spent. How'd you like that?

What's that? Emon is going to seal me in? No wonder..no one would want a creature like me running around... Dormin is pulled away from my spirit but I am **still not clean enough** to touch her...I can't I couldn't I wouldn't...but...I still want one futile attempt to try to see her. ...to touch her..just one more time...

The cold and burning essence of holy godliness tugs at your soul threatening to pull you nearer and all you can do is hold onto the stares until you are too tired and have to let go. Your arms weaken ..and that one last long tear-eyed look at your loved one...and your gone.

I ...**lost..**and I **failed**...I did try..I really did... I hope I can be forgiven someday...please Mono...


End file.
